It’s a bold statement, but it’s true. I own my problems. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine was talking about the Landmark Education, which helps you realize your deep-rooted issues, and began talking about her experience. I waited patiently, and then told her I knew mine: I don’t feel worthy of money, and I am afraid people seeing straight through who I am now and see the 14-year-old girl quivering inside. Not many people, however, know their problems, or can own them outright to acquaintances and friends.
With that said, I always have a positive outlook on life. I am no longer a scared 14-year-old girl (although she does crop up occasionally in my self-esteem), but a proud, loving & loved married woman who owns two businesses. I have changed my lifestyle from funny bones to green smoothies and will never look back, but there is always that fear. I try my best to look fear in the eye and chase it away as quickly as possible, but some days it threatens to never leave! Fear ishealthy. It helps us to understand certain situations and recognize danger, but often times it isn’t necessary.
When I was younger I was afraid of the ocean. I grew up with summers on a murky lake, full of soft sand and clay, sunsets and mountains. Seashells were mysterious and sharks could kill you at any moment – so I stayed clear. My dad, a scuba diver since birth, always tried to get us to go with him. I remember being 5-years-old and watching him jump off our boat and into the ocean. Mom and I ate PB&J sandwiches as I watched his bubbles disappear. We would watch for what seemed like hours, for his bubbles to reappear (and yes he was alone, a lot of rules have changed in scuba since then!). Finally, his bubbles would return to the surface and in his neoprene covered hands would be strange creatures with claws. In my mind I had no business being in a land where bubbles disappeared and strange creatures live (the same creatures, who hours later, would scream while being boiled alive in our kitchen…. I still don’t eat lobster). NO THANK YOU.
Then one day, things changed. My 13-year-old brother got certified while on a work vacation with my dad. Now, I am not athletic, and with many people I am not competitive. But being seven years his senior, there was no way my little brother would upstage me. I called home one night in September and asked for the first time if I could take the scuba class offered in college. Three days later my dad took me shopping for my first pair of fins.
Needless to say, I looked fear in the face, with a slight mix of competition, and dove into the ocean blue, never looking back. Six years later, I visually hunt for octopi and sharks (my favorites)!
There are many days, however, when this bravery isn’t present. Doubt always has a way of creeping into your soul, especially when you start of on a new venture. Journey to Hope could be one of the scariest things I’ve done. Doubt crops up everywhere: Will we find grants to fund our efforts? Will people like my idea? Will anyone believe in my mission? Am I even worth a salary, or the praise I receive?
But that is doubt. And I am not doubts biggest fan. I believe in a strong handshake (especially in women), I believe in confidence, and I believe in being true to yourself. I do not believe in letting doubt sink in too far. Without truth, confidence and handshakes, doubt will grow to be bigger than yourself and you will lose track of your dreams.
Although I have a few deep seated root chakra fears (Am I fat? Is my inner 14-year-old showing? Does anyone even read this blog?), I am still positive!!! I look fear and doubt in the face and try to laugh: loudly! As a theater major I learned to fake it until you believe it.
So here’s to faking it! Here’s to chasing fear, hunting octopi, and always trying to lasso that positive attitude. Because if you do, maybe, just maybe, we will create reality from our dreams!
As always,
May you embody love, speak truth & perceive kindness!
Jenny
