When one thing changes, feel free to rethink everything!
I am skipping Easter for the first time in 26 years. Hubby’s very good friend is visiting from India and happens to be in NYC for the weekend. I am so excited to travel down to the city and meet this friend I have heard so much about, and yet so guilty to be without my family on Easter Sunday. But here’s the weird part: no one is upset. I have all this guilt and nowhere to bring it. No one is blaming me because I am now a married woman. Weird.
What do I do with this emotion? This sense of undeserved freedom?
Moving away from home is often presented to 18 year olds full of freedom and exploration. Oh, No! Not hubby & I! We both moved out and then went straight back. With the economy in shambles, many people now live at home for much longer than they used to – but this, in a sense, delays adulthood. You have a job, & bills, but you are still living in a room covered in ripped baseball wallpaper under your parents roof, with their rules. Out of respect, you tell them when you’re coming home, just as you would a roommate... but is it respect of their home, your family, your mom or your inner 16 year old guilt?
When I was living at home with my parents, it was so easy to be living in the past. I now get to live each moment in the present – I get to be here, now! While living at home, I didn’t want to put down too many roots because I knew I wasn’t staying there long. So I made just enough friends to keep sane, only to not-so secretly spend time going on coffee dates or watching General Hospital with my mom. Slowly, we became best friends. Ten years ago, I hated her and never wanted to be like her or with her (as with most teenagers), and now here I was apologizing for past behavior and asking her to dinner.
The hardest part for both of us (hubby is a mama’s boy!), is what to do with this sense of freedom after we reconnected with our parents on this new level. How often do we visit and drive from Cape Cod to Boston? Do we plan in advance or show up somewhat last minute and unannounced? It’s different for each person and each culture, and as our cultures are so different it is definitely a learning experience!