Tuesday, August 14, 2012
The Girl I was 5 Years Ago...
The girl I was 5 years ago would like to know who the hell I am.
Last night, I took home two fresh pieces of tuna and made tuna steaks. By fresh I mean that my boss walked into the office on his vacation day with a giant dead fish and put it on the conference table. Like a little boy he asked: “Want some? Look what I caught today!” Instead of being upset or confused, we were all so happy because of his blatant joy.
Needless to say, I took it home. Now I have had tuna steak at restaurants and I even tried sashimi the other day... but I took home a FRESHLY DEAD FISH and cooked it in my kitchen. For dinner. And ate the whole thing. It was so delicious.
After I do things like this I often think to myself, “I wonder what the hell myself 5 years ago would have said.”
I would have said no.
I said yes to all the wrong things and no to all the right. I didn’t take as many risks, but I did say yes and get myself tangled into all kinds of obligations I wanted nothing to do with. It’s a matter of timing and learning. I am glad I said no when I did. I wasn’t meant to understand and embrace the power of YES!
Everyone learns things at their own pace. My brother, who is seven years younger than I am, is currently learning the lessons I learned seven years ago. When my mom asks why and looks to me for answers, I calmly remind her that I learned those lessons when I was 19 or 20 and he needs to learn them to. He wouldn’t be 19 if he were learning 26 year old lessons.
I am so lucky and blessed to currently understand that where I am now is right where I am supposed to be. Sure there are days that are difficult, but at the end of the day I am surrounded by blessings and love. I am surrounded by much more good than bad.
The girl I was 5 years ago didn’t take risks. But the moment I got my first taste of adrenaline, or my first taste of swordfish or brain – I knew I could never look back to where I used to be. Those moments of fear and joy are what help to create the me I am and the me I am becoming.
My first skydiving trip, my first octopus sighting, the first shark dive, the time my mother-in-law got me to eat lamb brain, roller coasters, starting Journey to Hope, quitting my job three years ago, starting again at itslearning, marrying my hubby, getting our first puppy and SO MUCH MORE!!! All of these amazing things were mixed with high volumes of fear. But I did it anyway. I said YES to life. I said yes to the moment. And I couldn’t be any happier.
What would the person you were 5 years ago think about you?
I think I would be impressed. I would be confused. I wouldn’t necessarily understand that all of the things in my life are blessings. But I would be happy that I’m currently happy.
I remember a time a few years ago. I was floating around the ocean in a dinghy waiting for some new friends to come back from a dive in the BVI. I looked up into the clouds and began to cry, begging God or the universe to tell me where I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to be doing. I have always known I was meant to do something BIG. Always. I don’t know how, and I’m still not sure why – but I’ve been put here for something more.
In some ways, I hope that Journey to Hope Yoga Inc. is my reason – but I know it’s not. I know I’m meant for even more than this... and I know that Journey to Hope will go far. Yesterday was our one year anniversary and although we didn’t accomplish ALL I wanted to, we accomplished a lot more than anyone ever imagined we could.
I am so blessed, and thankful. My husband, my family, my friends (old but especially new) have all helped shape and change me into the brave, brazen, SAY YES person I am today. I’ve always had a loud and strong voice, I have always been marching to the beat of my own drum and I have always been a leader. But I haven’t always been this brave.
I am so excited to be brave. I am excited to be in love with an amazing man who I would have NEVER imagined would become my husband. I am excited to be in love with our furry babies. I am excited to admire sharks and octopi.
But for today, I am excited I took home some fresh tuna and seared it in my kitchen for dinner. One step at a time. One brave moment at a time. I am becoming a better me. Everyday.
As I always say to my students, “where you are right now is where you are supposed to be, and it is perfect.”
Today is perfect, even if imperfect.
Leave a comment to let me know what yourself 5 years ago might think of you today!
Get out there – do yoga and make life sparkle!